dah tiba masa untuk berputus asa :)

salam.

hi all.yeah,it's been a while,i know.i'm sorry :) x berapa sihat sangat skang ni,tapi still ada something yang berputar dalam kepala ni,so i need to write it up.kalau tak nanti,makin banyak fikir,makin serabut jadinye :)

what's on my mind? itu pun tanda tanya sebenarnye,sebab perkara yang sama jugak asyik berlegar-legar dalam ruang minda ni. sebenarnya dah sampai muak dan penat sebab asyik fikirkan perkara yang sama.apa dia? haha.itulah.i've been thinking to let go of someone. this someone ni sebenarnya dah lama dah ditunggu hadirnya dia ni dalam hidup.dia memang betul pun hadir dalam my life, tapi x sepenuhnya.and since dah tinggal jauh,dah jarang berhubung,it makes thing get much worst. some people said  "distance brings people much closer, " saya akan menidakkan statement itu because of my situation :)

why am i letting go of the one people i've held on for so long? sebab semakin lama tunggu,semakin lama bertahan,macam semakin tak nampak apa yang perlu ditunggu,nak berpaut pada apa pun tak tahu.memories? yes,we had so much memories together.tapi kenangan tu,walaupun yang manis,kalau pun saya yang selalu ingat,dia?belum tentu. i've been thinking of letting go of this dah lama dah sebenarnya.for almost a year dah actually,been thinking about this,back and forth,patut ke tak berputus harap dengan semua ni.tiap kali nak putus harapan dengan dia, dia datang balik,like giving false hope,and like being there for me.tapi semua tu sekejap je.and then he's nowhere to be found.

i'm getting tired of waiting for something yang macam tak berpenghujung macam ni.it looks like a relationship but it's not a relationship.it looks like we care for each other,but most of the time,it's not.entah lah.he's there but in reality,he's not there.

if you were to be in my shoes,what would you do? i'm getting sick,and so damn tired of all this  waiting actually.for in the end,i didn't even know he'll be there or not with me,till the end. no more thinking.i'm gonna stop.

there's this quote that i found in a drama.

"it hurts when i see him.

but it hurts when i don't see him.

it hurts when he smiles at me.

but it hurts when he smiles at others.

it hurts when he's not there.

but it hurts when he's there in front of me."

(cinderella stepsister-goo eunjo)

yes.it hurts everytime.but it needs to stop.if it means i need to hurt myself by not seeing him,ot by not having with me by my side,or seeing him smiling at other person.it's okay.i'll be hurt.as long as time will help me forget him.i want to forget him.i will forget him.time will heal everything right? i've been through this before with my first love,i can do it again.

i'm sorry that this entry was entirely in english,but i really am not good in expressing my feelings in bahasa.it makes me sounds like cheap,and like the evening soap drama.blergh.this will do.

to anyone yang baca entri ni,kalau awak dah terlalu lama bertahan,berharap,dan awak bersendirian,lebih baik lepaskan saje daripada tunggu sesuatu yang belum tentu akan jadi milik awak."macam pungguk rindukan bulan," orang tua2 kita cakap.hahaha.entah lah.tak tahu nak guna peribahasa apa.but you know what i mean right?

alright.enuff of this.i'm gonna live my life.i'm gonna put a smile on my face everyday and go on like nothing ever happened.eventhough it hurts inside,nobody really need to know right?

cheer up love :)